"There is no passion to be found playing small - in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living." - Nelson Mandela
 
Most days I drive by the local middle school while out running various errands. There is a billboard out front and it often contains an inspirational message. On my way home from Thanksgiving grocery shopping I noticed this written on the board:
 
"Never settle for less than your best"
 
As usual I read it and wondered, do the kids read that? Do they think about it? Does it matter that someone takes time to put those up? Does anyone care?
 
That's when it hit me like a ton of bricks. Who am I to judge whether the students read it or think about its meaning? I need to turn that finger around and point it right at myself. I always read them but do I really think about the message?
 
It got me wondering, where to do I settle for less than my best?

Well pretty much everywhere. I make excuses, I find reasons to put things off or to do just enough to get by. I think about exercising more and eating less. I think about offering new programs with this business. I think about cleaning out my closets, sprucing up the yard, and dropping things off at Goodwill to name just a few.
 
Over the years, I've struggled with swinging between perfectionism and accepting what is. My thoughts tell me if I don't do something exactly right I am a failure. So I work on accepting what is, I remind myself that practice makes perfect and I can't possibly do everything right. Better to try and fail then not try at all, right? And by the way, who exactly gets to be the judge of what the right way to do something even is?
 
I get to judge what is the right way for me to do something and I get to decide what is my best effort. No one else can or should do that for me. How liberating! The same holds true for you, you are your own judge!
 
I started thinking about my coaching biz, I most definitely do the very best I can for my clients. Or do I?
 
I absolutely put everything I have into working with these brave souls: I listen deeply, I hold space, I question and challenge, I empathize. I help them face their fears. But do I offer them everything I am capable of, do I have more tools in my toolbox?
 
As I read that sign in front of the middle school, I realized I am holding back. I have settled into what is comfortable for me. I have not pushed the envelope far enough; my need for acceptance and fear of ridicule has kept me playing safe and staying small. I get to judge if I am doing my best and I don't think I am, I have more to offer.
 
I have gifts to share, I have programs to release. I’ve stalled in putting them out there, but I am inspired to get going NOW.

In order to get from point A to point B, or C or D, I need to practice.
 
I am offering a free over the phone Tarot reading to the first 5 people who say I’m in! All you have to do is reply in the comments section on my Facebook page and I will send you a PM to get it scheduled.

So tell me, what are you doing to ensure you never settle for less than your best?

"A grateful heart is a magnet for miracles" ~Unknown

Here come the holidays!

As much as I anticipate the holiday season and look forward to this time of year, it seems I always forget just how much work it takes to create a nice experience for all involved.

I wish I could pluck my holiday visions right out of my head and make them a reality.

Sadly, the cozy family gathered peacefully around a fire cheerfully chatting it up in a perfectly decorated house with a nice spread of food does not quite match what actually happens.

Somehow my visions and memories never include all the planning, grocery shopping, cleaning, crowds, lists, lines, time crunches, spending, and family logistics involved in the season.

Equipped with my "life coaching, limiting-belief busting skills" I headed to the grocery store on Saturday to get my Thanksgiving shopping done.

Success! It was completely stress free.

Sunday it was time to tackle the cleaning. Most years I host Thanksgivng at my house and this year is no exception. I had to get things ready.

Okay, not gonna lie, as I was vaccuming up dust bunnies the thoughts started creeping in. "Why do I have to do this?", "Why can't I just show up at someone's house and plop myself down and enjoy a fully cooked meal for once?"

Don't get me wrong, I do truly enjoy cooking and having people over and it's just easier logistically to accomodate both sides of the family at my house, but getting everything ready is not my favorite.

Back to vaccuming...suddenly I hear a loud crash in the kitchen. 

I ran in to see what happened to find the dog had pulled a pot of chili off the stove. It was a small pot, leftovers from my son's lunch, but still enough to make a big mess in my freshly cleaned kitchen.

It was at this point where my old self would have lost it. Snapped. Done.

Have you ever cleaned splattered chili off cabinets, rugs and every other imaginable surface in the kitchen? Me either! My son, being the nice kid he is (and the one who left the pot on the stove) started cleaning it up, so I maintained my cool and went back to vaccuuming dust bunnies.

No need to make a scene, just move on to the task at hand.

That's when it happened.

I almost sucked it right up the vacuum hose. The earring I lost a year ago. While at work.

Right there on the floor at the edge of a bookshelf was my missing earring. How was this possible?

“Acknowledging the good that you already have in your life is the foundation for all abundance.” ~Eckhart Tolle
​
Given to me by a friend many years ago, these were my go-to earrings. I wore them most days. Devestated when I discovered it was missing, I searched all over my office, in the hallways, the office restroom, and even my car. It was cold out that day and I was wearing a scarf. Fishhook earrings can easily slip out if you don't have a back on them which I did not at the time. It was simply gone.

In the time between then and now, my house has been thoroughly cleaned. Surely it would have been sucked up if it was under the bookcase (how could it possibly get there anyway?), but it was laying in plain sight, it was not actually under the bookshelf when I found it.

Weird.

I am choosing to take it as a reminder to pause and appreciate what the holidays are really about, spending time with family in my cozy warm house. Forget the rest. To remember what I am grateful for and to not sweat the small stuff, who cares about spilled chili when we are lucky enough to have chili in the first place.

Who cares about planning, grocery shopping, cleaning, crowds, lists, lines, time crunches, spending, and family logistics if we don't appreciate what we do it all for. The people we love.

I am grateful.

When we are grateful and we acknowledge what we have, we open the door for good things to happen. Try it. Pay attention. See what happens.

How that earring made its appearance at that exact moment doesn't really matter, I got the message.

Happy Thanksgiving!

"There are only two ways you can live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other as though everything is a miracle." Albert Einstein

"Every child is artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up." ~ Pablo Picasso

I remember being about 6 or 7 years old, stating with enthusiasm to anyone who asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up...an artist!

As a child, I reveled in creating. I distinctly remember contracting chicken pox at age 5, but what devastated me most was missing kindergarten art class. I was thrilled when my teacher sent home a care package of construction paper shapes in various colors for me to paste together.

A few years later my Dad brought home an encyclopedia set containing information on everything from history to space exploration. I was obsessed with Volumes 3 (classic fairy tales) and 5 (art projects). In between reading fairy tales, I must have completed every art project imaginable. I couldn't get enough. I had no special talent, I just loved making things.

As I grew, my realization that I had no real artistic gifts pushed my creative side out.

Reflecting back, I let my social self take over. I cared way too much about what people thought. 

Our social self is the part of us we develop in response to the pressures around us, the part of us that wants to fit in.

Our essential self is who we are at our soul level, at the core of our being. Our authentic self.

Interestingly enough, I am drawn to artists of all kinds. I even married a singer/songwriter.

Years ago when we lived in Chicago our group of friends consisted of musicians, actors, painters, sculptors, writers, and dancers. We continue to surround ourselves with artistic types and have seen lots of ups and downs in their careers over the years.

I have seen bands play to almost empty rooms. I have attended plays in small offbeat theatres with few patrons. I have been to art galleries that opened with little fanfare.

"Creativity take courage" ~ Henri Matisse

What do all these artists have in common? Their willingness to suck as long as they are doing what they love (and not one of them sucks). To put themselves out there and be vulnerable. To keep forging ahead and believing in themselves.

"Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change." ~ Brene Brown

They weren't performing for the paycheck, although that was always much appreciated. They performed because it filled a need. It gave them joy.

The drive to create, to express themselves no matter what kind of criticism or lack of support they got, kept them going.

While I was busy worrying about my social self, they were all being true to their essential selves.

As I used to sit in my bland gray cubicle in the middle of corporate America in a job that made me miserable, I would daydream about how great it would be to have an artistic talent. To have the ability to create something and put it out there for the world to see.

I never thought to ask myself why I believed so strongly I had no talent, at all. Or what it even means to have talent. Or why I didn't even feel worthy enough to even try. If I didn't try how could I possibly know if it was true or not? I kept myself safe.

Even with a desire to want something more than my gray cube job, I still let my inner critic, my social self shut me down. "It's too late to make a change", I told myself. 

After several more years, it finally clicked. To really find happiness and joy we have to be in alignment with our essential self, with our soul’s purpose. It’s never too late to create the changes needed to make it happen. Sometimes even the smallest steps can get us there.

So if you are wondering how to get in touch with your essential self, one path is through art!

Start with something that speaks to you, perhaps even something you loved doing as a child: journaling, writing, painting, pottery, sculpting, sewing, cooking, drawing, coloring...it doesn't really matter as long as it is something you enjoy. The point is to get quiet, to get into a meditative state while you are doing it so what is in you has a chance to be released. No one has to see what you produce. I can say for sure you just might surprise yourself. 

See what thoughts come up.

I never, ever, ever saw myself writing a blog and actually publishing it, it was not something that was even remotely on my radar even a year ago.

So to all my artist friends, thank you for teaching me about what it means to show up in the world exactly as you are.

It may have taken me a long time to find my way back to my essential self, but the little 6 year old in me wants to come out and play. I am enjoying finding my voice and putting it out there, little by little.

After all, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

“When I was a child my mother said to me, ‘If you become a soldier, you’ll be a general. If you become a monk, you’ll be the pope.’ Instead I became a painter and wound up as Picasso.” ~ Pablo Picasso

If you feel out of alignment with your essential self, I would love to help you. Contact me for a complimentary, no-obligation consultation.