 "When you say 'Yes' to others, make sure you are not saying 'No' to yourself." ~Paulo Coelho
As a life coach, I have been trained to “Live it to Give it”. Meaning I can’t expect my clients to do things I haven’t done or won’t do myself. For example, it’s easy to SAY face your fears head on, step into what scares you the most. It’s much, much harder to DO it. This hit home recently when I was staring an important decision straight in the face. This was a decision that could potentially change the trajectory of my life. I wanted to take the easy way out, I wanted someone to tell me what to do. The thoughts thrashing around in my mind sounded something like this “Please someone, anyone, give me the answer, tell me what to do! I don’t know what the hell to do here, and I don’t want to make the wrong decision!!!” Reflecting back, why on earth would I want someone else to make decisions about my life for me? Because it’s scary. Because I wanted to make everyone else happy. Because I have a need for approval and I didn’t want to do the wrong thing. I believed I had to do what appeared to be the best option for the greater good, even if it meant self-sacrifice. Even if it wasn’t what I wanted. That’s why it became a hard decision to make. Trouble is, I didn’t think I knew what I wanted. My brain and my ego got in the way and clouded my thinking, turning it into an agonizing decision of “what if’s”. I spent time making pros and cons lists. I examined the short and long term benefits of each choice. Still there was no clarity. Clearly I needed help so I did what any life coach should do, I got coached! Through coaching, I gained clarity. I realized I THOUGHT I needed to be responsible for everyone involved. I THOUGHT I knew what they wanted. Doing inquiry on my thoughts helped me see my long held belief, I need to be responsible for others, wasn’t even true. I need to be responsible for myself, sure. Other people may depend on me, but they are responsible for themselves. I thought I knew what the other people wanted but what I learned is I didn’t really know. I didn’t think I knew what I wanted but found out I did, I was just fearful of taking that route. By believing I needed to say yes to others, to do what I thought they wanted, I was saying no to myself. My coach also guided me to go inside myself and listen to what my body was telling me. Which choice did my body like more? Taking each option, one at a time, I noticed which made me FEEL happy, excited, and full of hope and which made me FEEL anxiety, panic, and dread. The scarier and riskier choice was the one that made me feel happy and excited. So I decided to face my fear and go with the decision I normally would not have chosen. Once it was made and I stepped into it, I felt amazing. I haven’t looked back. No more debating, no more worrying. I felt free! If you find yourself conflicted during a tough decision making process, it is likely because what your rational brain is thinking goes against what your internal body is feeling. The old head versus heart syndrome. You are probably also dealing with self-limiting beliefs. Identifying these and clearing them are really powerful and freeing. It’s hard to find our self-limiting beliefs on our own. Having a qualified coach or therapist to guide you through the process is amazing and liberating. It worked beautifully for me, and I have no doubt I made the right decision. I can’t wait to see what happens next!  It's February, we are one month into 2015. How are you doing with your resolutions and goals? Whether you made a New Year’s resolution or not, most of us at least have some idea of what we want to do differently or to accomplish this year.
How did you fare in the first month? Are you still going strong or did you already give up? Kudos to you if you are on track and no worries if you aren’t. Don’t beat yourself up or feel like a failure, just get back on the horse. Accomplishing your goal is up to YOU and YOU alone. Here are 10 tips to keep you going, get back on track or get started to making 2015 your best year yet! 1. Write it down Put your goal in writing, it sets your intention. It puts it into the universe and allows you to see it regularly rather than just think about it. Put it in a place where you will see it daily, like on the bathroom mirror or the refrigerator. Better yet, put it on your smartphone and set a daily or weekly alarm to remind you to check in with yourself. A study conducted by Dominican University showed people who write down their goals perform significantly better than those who don’t. 2. Say it out loud to someone else State your goal out loud and share it with someone else. By saying it out loud, you make it real because you have to get clear about it. If you tell a friend you are writing a book, they will want to know more about it and will check in on your progress. It solidifies your commitment. The same Dominican University study proves that having a buddy to help hold you accountable will yield more success than just thinking about your goal. 3. Break it down Break your goal down in to small, actionable and measureable turtle steps. Focus on one step at a time to make it more manageable. This will also give you a sense of accomplishment, which will fuel you to keep going. Set a timeline for completing each step. You will get there slowly but surely! 4. Create a mantra A mantra is a short group of reaffirming words that can help center your mind and transform your life. Words have power, but YOU have the power to choose the words you speak to yourself. Remember Stuart Smalley from SNL? His mantra was “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!” Create something positive and affirming for yourself and say it on a daily basis. 5. Reward yourself Accomplish one of your turtle steps? Give yourself a reward. You’ll get a feeling of satisfaction when you've conquered each step and will be motivated to keep going. Just make sure your reward is not something that will sabotage your progress. 6. Create a vision board Vision boards are used to clarify, visualize, and maintain focus on a goal. Why did you choose this goal? What are you hoping to accomplish with it? What feelings will achieving it invoke? Create a vision board to keep your eye on the prize. Look through old magazines, find images on Pinterest or the internet and make a collage around your goal. Dream big, what do you want to create for yourself? What does your ideal life look like? Ideal day? What will you be doing? Get specific. 7. Track your progress If you feel like you have a long way to go, it helps to see what you've accomplished already. Trying to exercise more? Looking back at what you have done in the last week or month will give you encouragement, if you did it before you can do it again today! 8. Investigate your thoughts Ever hear the saying “Change your thoughts, change your life”? Negative self-talk will get you nowhere. Pay attention to what you are telling yourself. Your thoughts create your feelings and your feelings drive your behavior. What stories are you telling yourself around this goal? Become aware or your self-talk and keep it positive. 9. Get support Find people with similar goals so you can support each other. Want to run a marathon? Join a training group. Trying to get a promotion? Find a mentor. Hang out with positive people who have accomplished or are trying to accomplish the same thing. 10. Practice gratitude Be thankful for what you already have. Recognize it, acknowledge it, and be grateful. This is important. Take a look around and give thanks for what you have already been blessed with. So, whether you want to get in shape, drop a few pounds, get a new job, work on a relationship, or something else, following these tips will help you get where you want to go. And if all else fails, remember the wise words of Dory.... Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming! |
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November 2019
AuthorValerie Dubuc is a Certified Life Coach who uses laser focused listening and intuition to help women and men stuck in soul-sucking situations find the key to unshackle their soul. Categories
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