As a life coach, I have been trained to “Live it to Give it”. Meaning I can’t expect my clients to do things I haven’t done or won’t do myself. For example, it’s easy to SAY face your fears head on, step into what scares you the most. It’s much, much harder to DO it.
This hit home recently when I was staring an important decision straight in the face. This was a decision that could potentially change the trajectory of my life. I wanted to take the easy way out, I wanted someone to tell me what to do. The thoughts thrashing around in my mind sounded something like this “Please someone, anyone, give me the answer, tell me what to do! I don’t know what the hell to do here, and I don’t want to make the wrong decision!!!” Reflecting back, why on earth would I want someone else to make decisions about my life for me?
Because it’s scary. Because I wanted to make everyone else happy. Because I have a need for approval and I didn’t want to do the wrong thing. I believed I had to do what appeared to be the best option for the greater good, even if it meant self-sacrifice. Even if it wasn’t what I wanted. That’s why it became a hard decision to make.
Trouble is, I didn’t think I knew what I wanted. My brain and my ego got in the way and clouded my thinking, turning it into an agonizing decision of “what if’s”. I spent time making pros and cons lists. I examined the short and long term benefits of each choice. Still there was no clarity.
Clearly I needed help so I did what any life coach should do, I got coached!
Through coaching, I gained clarity. I realized I THOUGHT I needed to be responsible for everyone involved. I THOUGHT I knew what they wanted. Doing inquiry on my thoughts helped me see my long held belief, I need to be responsible for others, wasn’t even true. I need to be responsible for myself, sure. Other people may depend on me, but they are responsible for themselves. I thought I knew what the other people wanted but what I learned is I didn’t really know. I didn’t think I knew what I wanted but found out I did, I was just fearful of taking that route.
By believing I needed to say yes to others, to do what I thought they wanted, I was saying no to myself.
My coach also guided me to go inside myself and listen to what my body was telling me. Which choice did my body like more? Taking each option, one at a time, I noticed which made me FEEL happy, excited, and full of hope and which made me FEEL anxiety, panic, and dread.
The scarier and riskier choice was the one that made me feel happy and excited. So I decided to face my fear and go with the decision I normally would not have chosen. Once it was made and I stepped into it, I felt amazing. I haven’t looked back. No more debating, no more worrying. I felt free!
If you find yourself conflicted during a tough decision making process, it is likely because what your rational brain is thinking goes against what your internal body is feeling. The old head versus heart syndrome. You are probably also dealing with self-limiting beliefs. Identifying these and clearing them are really powerful and freeing.
It’s hard to find our self-limiting beliefs on our own. Having a qualified coach or therapist to guide you through the process is amazing and liberating.
It worked beautifully for me, and I have no doubt I made the right decision. I can’t wait to see what happens next!